DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR WIFE & TIGER'S WIFE? YOUR WIFE GOES TO JAIL FOR BEATING YOUR A** WITH A GOLF CLUB!

November 25, 2009: The day before Tiger Woods is to "give thanks" for his family (among many other things) the National Enquirer reports that he is allegedly cheating on his supermodel wife, Elin Nordegren. As is always the case, the alleged mistress is a skanky-looking, cocktail waitress. Her name is Rachel Uchitel, a 33-year old who has been previously linked to the married, Fox TV "Bones" star, David Boreanaz. (Granted, she has a rockin' body but what respectable woman wears an outfit like this post-22 years old?) Article here. Tiger's Alleged Mistress, Rachel Uchitel (sportsbybrooks.com)

November 27, 2009, 2 pm Central: It is reported that Tiger Woods is "seriously" injured in a car crash, that alcohol is not involved and that charges are pending. The crash occurred outside Tiger's Florida home when he hit a fire hydrant and his neighbor's tree after pulling out of his driveway at 2:25 in the morning. Yes, at two o'clock in the morning Tiger is LEAVING his home.

You tell me: why would a married man be leaving his home, with his wife and two children inside, in the middle of the night, at a time when rumors of his extramarital affair are in the air?

Then, when officers arrive at the scene, Tiger is out of the car and on the ground with his wife "hovering" over him. 

Tiger's wife told officers she was in the house when she heard the accident and “came out and broke the back window with a golf club." The front of his SUV suffered "medium damage."

Circumstantial Evidence

As a criminal defense attorney, I must raise an eyebrow at this situation. Based on the facts as they have been presented, here is what I think happened:

Tiger and his wife were arguing about his alleged affair. She either tells him to get out of the house or he decides to leave so he can "cool-off." As he pulls out of the garage, she runs after him with a golf-club in her hand and strikes the back window in a fit-of-rage. Stunned by her outrage and violent response, he loses control and crashes the Escalde. She gets him out of the car (or he gets out himself) and 911 is called.

The Average-Joe Would Have Been Arrested

I represent people in domestic disputes all the time; all have an oh-so-similar fact pattern to the Tiger story. The only difference is that the police generally make an arrest when they have an incling that there might have been a domestic dispute.

What's interesting is that initial reports said "charges pending" which means to me that the police were treating the situation as a crime. The idea that "charges are pending" is a term used in a minor traffic incident is ludicrous. Surely, Tiger's wife could have been charged with domestic battery, criminal damage to property and any other charges that fit the situation -- and it would not have taken the police 12+ hours to make the determination if they were going to charge her...unless...the police and the Woods family representatives were scrambling to piece together the scene so that it was an "accident" and not a "crime."

Usually the police ask the "victim" if he or she wants to press charges. The police probably waited for Tiger to come-to-sorts in the hospital and then asked him if he wanted to file a complaint for domestic battery against his wife. While investigators were waiting for him to make a decision, they were in the "charges pending" holding pattern. It was not until after Tiger covered for his wife that the police and hospital solidified the story as a minor traffic accident.

But in the real world, police make an arrest first, fill out a complaint, and then they let the facts get sorted out later, after the damage is already done to a spouse's reputation. The police do not need the spouse to agree to an arrest. In fact, they usually make the arrest and let the spouse go to court and tell the judge they don't want to see their loved one be criminally prosecuted. In the real world, the police do not wait around for 12 hours to make an arrest.

Lesson of the Day: Unless you are Tiger Woods, if your wife accuses you of cheating, beats your a** with a golf club, and causes you to crash your car in the middle of the night, you should expect one of you is going to jail! (In the event this happens, please call me!)

www.xpunged.com and www.tamaraholder.com

5 REASONS ESPN SHOULD NOT HAVE FIRED STEVE PHILLIPS

I cannot believe, in these troubling times of war and a failing economy, we are putting Steve Phillips' affair with Humpty Dumpy on the covers of our national newspapers. This latest sex scandal cost Mr. Phillips his job because "his ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways," ESPN said in a statement. Hilarious! Since when has an athlete - or coach's - extramarital affairs damaged his reputation or that of his employer? Puuleeeze.Steve Phillips with ESPN Assistant and Mistress Brooke Hundley

1) Athletes and affairs are the perfect "marriage" - they go hand in hand. Fired over an affair? C'mon! Tell me when you want the list of names of athletes and their affairs...it goes on and on and on...why do we continue to act so shocked when a new affair emerges?

2) ESPN knew what they were getting themselves into...Phillips had problems before with affairs, long before they hired him. In 1998, when he was GM of the Mets, he took a leave of absence because of a "series of affairs and an accusation of sexual harassment by a Mets employee," according to the NY Times.

3) The only reason why he should be fired is that his mistress is ass-ugly. Brutal! Brooke Hundley (NY Daily News)No wonder why he called it off with her.

4) In all seriousness, clearly Mr. Phillips has a problem since he's entered in-patient rehab. ESPN shouldn't be so quick to fire him if he's sick. Give the guy the chance to get some help, then make a decision.

5) America needs to get over the cheating scandals. Many people cheat, especially the rich and powerful. Why are we so consumed with where a man sticks his winky? That's a man's issue with his wife and nobody else. This year alone we've heard of three Senators affairs: John Ensign, Mark Sanford and John Edwards. We've also heard of Letterman's affair, Madonna/"Stray-Rod", and the list goes on.

www.xpunged.com